Bullied to Advocate: Lisa Arnett's Journey Through Foster Care and the Quest for Reform

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Hello and thanks for tuning in to Bully this.

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This is episode 11.

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I'm Tyler.

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I'm Clifford.

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I seriously can't wait for you to meet our next guest.

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I'm excited.

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Oh, she's amazing.

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I've been following her for a long time.

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I love that we're able to now help bolster people that deserve not only help getting further platform for the good that they're doing, but also like a little bit of attention in like why that people are watching them, and so I love that about what you and I are doing here and so, um, so I'm really looking forward to our guests today so we can do just that, looking forward to it.

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But first I don't know if the audience would be disappointed, um, but if we didn't do our celebrity bullied person anymore, so we're going to keep doing it until they tell us they don't like.

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It Sounds like a plan, but this time I kind of made it a little bit more lighthearted and I made up some of the clues, because, let's be honest, you don't do very well, and so I'm trying to help you a little bit.

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And an audience at home, because, let's be honest, you don't do very well, and so I'm trying to help you a little bit.

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Thank you, an audience at home let me know how often you guys get it, and maybe I need to tweak the clues, because maybe Cliff's not the only one not getting it.

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So this week's celebrity that was bullied.

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He moved around a lot in his youth.

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A quote from him I was always the new kid with the wrong shoes and the wrong accent.

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This kid went on to have impossible missions, became friends with a goose and gives as gifts my favorite cake.

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Currently, you and I are cake people so like I locked onto that and by the way this cake is amazing.

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Nice.

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Okay, who is it?

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Cliff, I'm going to go with, since you're giving me clues, impossible missions and goose.

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Tom Cruise, you got it, obviously, obviously goose from top gun mission impossible.

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Yes, tom cruise, you would never think it.

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You know, it's like I'd never heard that about him before the accent kind of threw me off actually.

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Yeah, yeah, like I didn't know there was and what.

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What's interesting, uh, as we're going through, uh, this bullet, this journey, people find whatever they can find to pick on someone.

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Yeah, like yeah whatever they can find, and they're just picking them for it.

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So yeah, and what's weird is usually that's we're noticing more and more.

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That's the thing that they grow up and it's like they're super talented.

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In some way or shape or form Okay.

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So super excited about the next guest.

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I am such a fan of hers uh, in fact, I didn't know, of all the things that I'm involved with these days, if she should be on game changers, if she should be on redefining heroes or here on bully this.

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Um, today we have her on bully this, but to me she's all these things.

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She, she's a game changer, she's redefining the word hero and she's a champion of Bully this, and so I'm really excited to have her.

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I'm going to give you a little bit of background and then we're going to chat with her.

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Our next guest has a background of collaborating and contributing with the work of nonprofits, schools and philanthropies around foster care advocacy.

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Her experience includes technical inputs to programming and advocacy efforts, public speaking on topics of foster care, homelessness, sexual violence, as well as implementation of social media awareness campaigns from design to execution.

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Lisa currently serves in the National Guard as a non-commissioned officer.

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She was recently highlighted in a video produced by the Army recognizing her for her foster care advocacy.

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She her siblings experience foster care and homelessness as a child and as a young person.

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She and her siblings are survivors of abuse and her childhood sexual abuse.

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She and her siblings are survivors of abuse and childhood sexual abuse.

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Her sister is a survivor of sex trafficking.

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Lisa has critical insights into the experience of children facing the risks of sexual exploitation, abuse and trafficking, understanding of processes and protocols within the government systems that serve youth youth victims, as well as the identification of key limitations and opportunities from a crucial lens of this issue.

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This is the ultimate immersion.

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I've mentioned this on channels before.

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Lisa has insight into the world that many government officials don't, even if they want to help.

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Many foster kids don't have a voice for yet.

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So she is key into doing the amazing work that she's doing and I watch her on the daily being brave, being a hero and really pushing forth these efforts.

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So I want to welcome to Bully this.

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Lisa.

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Arnett.

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Hi guys, Lisa, thank you so much for coming.

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Thank you so much for having me.

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I'm really excited to be here.

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No, we're really excited about you.

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You and I have been corresponding for a long time.

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I watch you on the daily, the things that you're doing.

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I appreciate you so much.

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I appreciate your bravery.

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I know it's not always easy for you and it's one of the reasons I wanted to bring you on Bully.

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This is so we could talk a little bit about that.

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Cliff, I know you and I are usually pretty calm guys and I think I'm going to rile you up today with some of this stuff, because some of the stuff I see that happens.

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It just isn't fair.

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So I believe that you know it sounds like well.

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Respect to you, lisa, for breaking through.

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You know getting to the other side, transforming and helping others transform in the journey, so I look forward to this conversation.

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Yeah, absolutely, lisa is going to be a little bit different, but generally we follow the hero's journey, basically, and we talk a little bit about youth, because a lot of our audience is youth and they listen to the episode and our goal is to give them some hope and to let them know we've been there too and you can get past it and do amazing things in this world.

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And Lisa has some amazing tools, some tools that I agree 100% with.

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And so, lisa, if you wouldn't mind, I just like to give the kids a chance to get to know you a little bit better and talk a little bit about younger Lisa and some of the things that you had to contend with and maybe some of the ways you've used that.

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Yeah, I guess, as you said, we were talking about Tom Cruise earlier.

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He's always the new kid Growing up in foster care.

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I lived in 36 different homes during my time in foster care, so I was definitely well experienced in being the new kid and kids are definitely pretty relentless.

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I was picked on a lot.

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I didn't have a lot of clothing, as you can imagine lot.

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I didn't have a lot of clothing.

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As you can imagine, there's not very many foster parents out there who are going to go take you shopping, buy you new clothes, especially when you move around so much.

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And so I grew up in foster care.

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I was separated from my siblings and then we each kind of had to follow our own path.

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I found out later that after we were separated, my sister was trafficked, as you mentioned when you were reading my bio, and that's when I really got into trying to change the foster care system for others.

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There was not really any good reason or any justice for any of the things that happened to me or my siblings, and there's no real plan in place to fix the flaws that are that are happening now.

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So I joined the military.

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I was homeless for three years after I got out of foster care.

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I aged out at 18.

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I didn't know what I wanted to do.

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I knew I wanted to do something in foster care, but I needed to get on my feet first.

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So I joined the military.

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I got my degree and I happen to really enjoy my job.

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I'm a helicopter mechanic.

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And.

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I didn't.

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I couldn't find a way to use my degree in a way that that I could see fit, so I use it for my volunteer work and I do a lot of public speaking volunteer work.

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I was on Dr Phil recently just talking about foster care reform and these things that really need to change and, like you said, people need representation.

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So other foster youth need to see foster youth succeeding, and in a way that doesn't feel so far removed, in a way that they know that this is attainable for all of us.

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I absolutely agree.

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If you can never read a story or see somebody out there that's done it, you can't think you've.

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You can do it right, like, oh, that's not for me, that's for a different caliber of person I can't do it.

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But once you've seen somebody walk that road it becomes a little bit like maybe I can do that Right.

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It's, it's still I.

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It's still hard to imagine, I don't know how I made it this far, but that's what I'm hoping to do is stay relatable, stay relatable to youth, stay relatable to them and let them know that I made definitely my fair share of mistakes, and I still do.

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And when I see people who are doing the same things that I'm doing, and in different aspects, I'm like, wow, I can't believe that they're doing all these things.

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And somebody would be like, hey, you're doing the same things that I'm doing, and in different aspects.

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I'm like, wow, I can't believe that they're doing all these things.

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And somebody would be like, hey, you're doing the same thing.

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And I'm like, oh, I am.

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Lisa helps me on the daily understand things, and I'm going to drop back to younger Lisa just for a minute before we move on, and I'm going to bring up something I heard recently.

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We actually had a group in here and they work around youth incarceration, and so they were in here asking us for some advice on podcasting and that sort of stuff, and it came up that they're actually putting and I had to actually ask Lisa about this.

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I'm like how could this be true?

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And I'm like I must have heard it wrong.

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And I'm like I wish I was recording it or something, cause I went over in my head 16 times.

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I'm like so we have times when foster youth has nowhere to go and we put them in the same place as incarcerated kids that have done something wrong.

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And then, lisa, I want to bring you into that because you've had kind of an experience with that and I had to ask you.

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I'm like there's no way this possible, you know, and so can you give us a little bit more intel on that?

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Yeah, so there's a couple of different scenarios in which that happens and generally I can speak for the state of Oregon.

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At least I know that recently they were in some hot water because they were having youth stay in hotel rooms by themselves because they didn't have homes, and then they actually bought out a, an old, like an abandoned juvenile facility, juvenile detention center, and then they were using that to have children in.

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And then there are other instances where you're put into like a juvenile facility that's actually a functioning juvenile facility or a group home or some kind of like lockdown treatment type center home, just because there's no homes for you to go to.

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And you were in something kind of similar to that for a little while, weren't you?

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yes, yes, and that's what I was gonna get into, because when you're, even as an adult, like, especially as an adult, I don't, I wouldn't want't want to be picked up off the street and locked up somewhere against my will, without warning, and we're doing this to children, but all for the fact that they just don't have parents, which is something that they have no control over.

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And I just remember being there and I acted out I didn't follow their rules, I didn't want to follow their rules.

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I didn remember being there and I acted out I didn't follow their rules.

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I didn't want to follow their rules, I didn't belong there.

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I didn't do anything to be put in there, I didn't do anything.

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You know, I guess, quote unquote, bad.

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I don't believe there are any bad kids, but what's the incentive to follow the rules if, even if you do, you know, you end up in a juvenile detention facility?

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Yeah, what else are they going to do as a discipline?

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It's like that's usually something that's like, hey, if you're not good, I'm going to send you here, but instead it's like we're just sending you here.

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And then I know a little bit about the adult incarceration rates and things like that, and it's a huge problem, because most people that go to jail go back to jail.

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So now we're putting people that don't even belong in jail kids most moldable time of their life too and then we're expecting success afterwards and I don't know what we're thinking with that.

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Well, it creates what is called the foster care to prison pipeline, and that's a term that's used a lot in the foster care world, and children who go to group homes are like 2.5 times more likely to end up in the justice system as adults, like the criminal justice system, and I believe it was California that I read this about, but it was.

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I think over 80% of the people on death row were from foster care and I'll have to go back and find that statistic.

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I think it was even higher, but I don't want to say the number that I think it is just in case that one is wrong.

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I wanted to say some that was lower, but I'm pretty sure it's even higher than that for California in that year that the study was completed.

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She teaches me something new every day and talk about collateral impact.

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So if that stat's right you know it's hard to remember every step but if that stat's right, if we can kind of think backwards, you know it's like that's where the change needs to be made.

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You know, someplace way, way backwards and it could be even starting with let's not let foster kids that haven't done anything wrong go to jail.

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Maybe that's a good place to start.

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Yes, well, I have another statistic that I definitely did look up, and foster youth who are in five or more homes are 90% more likely to end up in the criminal justice system.

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That's insane.

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I mean, before I forget about it I don't want to go to.

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We might bounce back and forth a little bit, but there's so much info I want to get on Lisa Cause this is as much awareness as possible, because there's so many things that I like, I like to, I like to think I'm pretty in tune with this issue, I like look into it a lot and that's how I ran across Lisa, but she teaches me something new daily.

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That astounding.

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And one of the biggest things we talk a lot about is age out stuff.

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Can you go into age out a little bit so the audience can understand what that is and why that's a vulnerable period?

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Yeah.

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So aging out means that you've come to your end of the time in foster care, so the foster system is no longer going to take care of you or support you, and usually that happens when you're 18.

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But in the last decade or so, a lot of states have been making changes, so states are each responsible for their how their foster care system works.

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It's not a federal run thing, and so each state has a different age out number based on what their state has decided.

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Age out number based on what their state has decided.

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It's usually 18 or 21 and most of the time you're you know, it's just you you're very, you're really surprised, you're caught off guard.

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They're like, oh, this is your last day in foster care.

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And you know, I remember for me I was like, okay, where do I go?

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It was the day after my 18th birthday and I was like, okay, where do I go?

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And she was like I don't know the mission, try the the mission.

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And I was like I can't, the mission is the Christian homeless shelter.

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I can't go there.

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I lived in a grimy part of the city.

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I was like I can't go to the homeless shelter and I just ended up staying on people's couches, and that is the case for most youth that age out.

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Like 50% of youth that age out will struggle with homelessness, and it's the number gets higher than that as the years progress, because usually when you're young you have a lot of friends.

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You know that you can which is what I did stay on their couch, but as the years progress you fall.

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We see more and more foster youth ending up homeless.

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And I know what people are saying at home right now.

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They're saying, well, there's tons of programs for people and here's the thing is like and I can make a good point with this with Malcolm Gladwell's book I think I believe it was Outliers and he talks about Oppenheimer and then this just random guy, both genius, iqs, right, and like there are different paths on being successful or not.

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So basically, Oppenheimer was raised in a way that he knew he could advocate for himself and that's the difference I see in a lot of foster.

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I mean, when I put these dots together I'm not always perfectly right, but when I see foster, youth probably has a really hard time advocating for themselves.

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They don't know that there's programs out there, they don't know how to find them, they don't know they're entitled to a good life, success, everything else.

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But if you're raised a certain way, you're entitled to that right, like Oppenheimer was, and Malcolm Gladwell makes a great point of that.

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The reason Oppenheimer was successful is because he was entitled to his success.

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He didn't take no for an answer to his success.

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This other guy had a moment along the way where they told him hey, you can't get into class this late, I don't care what your work schedule is, and so he dropped out.

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He didn't know he could go in and advocate the rules differently, or the foster youth that Lisa's talking about.

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They don't know how to advocate and Lisa, please correct me if I'm wrong they don't know how to advocate, how to get into these programs a lot of times and know that they're entitled to having a decent life.

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And you know, I mean, can you help me, like kind?

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of like explain to people.

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It's not that easy.

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They don't.

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They don't.

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And this is what I actually.

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I spoke about this at a um, at a scholarship foster youth scholarship that I did the other day, and one thing that I said which is completely spot on with what you just said was ask and keep asking for every 10 people that tell you know, there's one that's going to say yes, but for foster youth, especially when you've grown up in so many homes where so many different types of parenting styles which usually aren't the greatest abuse you don't want to keep asking because after someone tells you know the first time and you ask you, you know, you, you don't know if you're going to catch a backhand, you don't know.

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You don't know what's going to happen.

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And coming into adulthood, I know for me from my personal experience.

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I didn't realize that I was an adult, I didn't realize that those, that those options were available.

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If somebody says no, I can, I can offer a different option, I can say something else.

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It felt so scary and that's one thing that I try to talk to the youth that I mentor about is advocate for yourself.

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Like that's, this is, this, is this person's job.

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Like this is your caseworker's job, this is, this is so-and-so's job, advocate for yourself and and it's okay if people aren't angry at you because you're safe you remind yourself that you're safe, you're going to be safe and it's okay to advocate for yourself.

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And it's okay to make people mad along the way.

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Even if they get angry, you you need to make, you need to realize that you're worth, that you're valuable like your.

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Your feelings, your feelings don't come underneath their feelings.

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It's okay if they're mad at you because you stick.

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you're sticking up for yourself it's such an interesting topic because I look a lot into, uh, people that are raised in poverty, basically, and foster youth is the epitome of that, really, you know.

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And then people that were raised of means, and what's the difference?

00:19:11.183 --> 00:19:18.788
Right, and it's not so much the resources, always, I think it's this ability that the especially well-off teach their youth.

00:19:18.788 --> 00:19:27.031
It's like you're entitled to this, you're entitled to get your session, you're supposed to have these things, you know, but we kind of put like people in poverty in a different level.

00:19:27.031 --> 00:19:28.780
It's like you take what we can get, you know.

00:19:28.780 --> 00:19:36.651
It's like even my mom as a kid, you know, like if the principal was wrong, she didn't think we were of the caliber of people that we could go in and argue with the principal.

00:19:36.651 --> 00:19:41.705
Right, we were on a and we do still teach class systems, whether we know it or not in society.

00:19:41.705 --> 00:19:59.070
You know, and that's what I kind of see and take away when I'm looking at all this you know, from a high level is like I almost think there needs to be more programs that just big brother kids in you know in the system to show them how, or big brother big sister to show them how to become part of these programs that are out there.

00:20:00.359 --> 00:20:35.868
And something that you said that's super interesting, that I spoke about in a class that I recently took, was if you, if you come from less, society thinks that you deserve less, and we see that and we see that in systems like, let's say, we have a fundraiser or a coat drive for foster youth, you're going to see a lot of people bringing in old things, old, used up things with holes in them, and I'm going to be the first person to stop you right there and say, hey, this child deserves a new jacket.

00:20:36.160 --> 00:20:46.750
You know I'm very grateful that you wanted to bring that to this, but these children deserve new jackets, just as my daughter would when she's going to school or when winter comes around and I need to buy her jacket.

00:20:46.750 --> 00:20:52.892
We just see this a lot in society and in free insurances.

00:20:52.892 --> 00:20:55.368
If we give people free insurance, it has to be less.

00:20:55.368 --> 00:20:58.809
It can't be as good as the insurance that people are paying for.

00:20:58.809 --> 00:21:06.441
See that a lot.

00:21:06.441 --> 00:21:11.053
We see it in so many different things where if it's for a lesser class or looked at as lower, then it can't possibly be as good as something that other people are buying.

00:21:11.799 --> 00:21:19.320
Then the line's 18 miles long and the person the doctor that's helping, is on community service and mad to be there.

00:21:19.320 --> 00:21:22.848
That was the dentist I went to growing up.

00:21:22.848 --> 00:21:25.800
He was on community service and not happy about being there, you know.

00:21:25.800 --> 00:21:29.126
It's like so you're right, it is a lesser system, you know.

00:21:29.126 --> 00:21:35.185
And then it's like what effect does that lesser system have as you get older, right, you're not feeling super entitled.

00:21:36.605 --> 00:21:40.259
I thought surviving was and so that's my dog snoring.

00:21:40.259 --> 00:21:52.107
I thought surviving was a like a Honda Civic and a studio apartment and I thought that was middle class Because I came from so.

00:21:52.107 --> 00:22:09.924
I was sleeping in tents, I was eating at soup kitchens, completely homeless, and I was like if I could just get a 1990 Honda Civic and a studio apartment somewhere for like $500 a month, like I will be killing it, like that is middle class.

00:22:09.924 --> 00:22:18.766
I thought that was like where my life would start and end, like I'm like that would be just crushing it and I would just do that for the rest of my life.

00:22:18.766 --> 00:22:27.555
I couldn't picture anything above it because I hadn't been taught that that I deserved it or I was I could ever possibly get there.

00:22:28.961 --> 00:22:29.261
How did?

00:22:29.261 --> 00:22:36.151
How did you get to that deserving space and did you start stretching that space too?

00:22:37.661 --> 00:22:39.406
That is something that I guess I would.

00:22:39.406 --> 00:22:41.423
I'm still stretching, I'm still working on that.

00:22:41.423 --> 00:22:48.364
I'll see something like so I'll see a shirt that I really like, that I want to get for myself.

00:22:48.364 --> 00:22:56.961
But I'll go, I'll run through all these negative thoughts in my head, reasons why I don't deserve it, or I shouldn't buy it, or better things so I could spend my money on or save it.

00:22:56.961 --> 00:23:04.951
And I have to still, you know, stretch that space in my head and say, Wait, I, I work really hard, I work a lot of hours, I work a lot of overtime.

00:23:04.951 --> 00:23:06.972
I deserve this shirt.

00:23:06.972 --> 00:23:17.165
I can buy the shirt for myself, it's not going to hurt me, it's not going to take away from anything else.

00:23:17.185 --> 00:23:19.191
And those are still practices that I have to do almost daily.

00:23:19.191 --> 00:23:23.901
You know, stopping to get a coffee, I'm like, oh well, it's a, it's a $5 coffee and it's just, that's a.

00:23:23.901 --> 00:23:26.364
It's a muscle that I think I'm constantly going to be working on and it does get.

00:23:26.364 --> 00:23:34.175
It gets easier and sometimes it's easier and and you know we have seasons and it's it's definitely a muscle that you have to, you have to work on.

00:23:34.961 --> 00:23:47.002
Now, if you're reading a lot of Warren Buffett and you're really thinking about the compounding nature of money, then don't buy the shirt If you're not thinking about that then buy yourself the damn shirt, because you deserve it, right.

00:23:47.042 --> 00:23:47.605
Thank you.

00:23:48.266 --> 00:23:53.565
Yeah, you've, you've come a long ways and I think bare minimum you could deserve a shirt.

00:23:53.565 --> 00:24:03.105
So I, uh, I really want to get to some of your mental frameworks too, because they're amazing, like absolutely amazing.

00:24:03.105 --> 00:24:17.323
I think it's going to help a lot of people and I would say, if you were to give so things weren't that easy growing up right, and then I wouldn't mind if you elaborated a little bit on that too, about some of the experiences you had.

00:24:17.323 --> 00:24:41.250
But mostly I want to get to how did growing up in that way, then having to deal with homelessness and the other hurdles that you've had to deal with, what was the major tools that got you to where you're at now, where you're at a platform of now I can help people, now I'm confident, now I'm entitled to the things that I have in life.

00:24:43.020 --> 00:24:47.085
I don't know about the confidence part, but I would say, fake it, even if you don't feel like it.

00:24:47.085 --> 00:24:48.709
That's the best.

00:24:48.709 --> 00:24:50.333
That's a really good piece of advice.

00:24:50.333 --> 00:24:56.813
I say this pretty often in podcasts and I call it surviving out of spite.

00:24:56.813 --> 00:25:02.269
And I wake up and I think, oh, you know, I don't want to do this or I don't want to do that.

00:25:02.269 --> 00:25:07.079
And I think, oh, you know, I don't want to do this or I don't want to do that.

00:25:10.740 --> 00:25:13.640
But I get out of bed and I get going and I hit the ground running because I don't want the people who abuse me to win.

00:25:13.640 --> 00:25:17.790
I don't want the people who abuse me physically, sexually, mentally.

00:25:17.790 --> 00:25:28.038
I don't want the people that gave up on me, the people that told me no when I was going to these organizations and I was asking for help, when I was pleading with people like I'm homeless, I don't know what to do.

00:25:28.038 --> 00:25:33.751
I'm trying to do college, I'm trying to do the right thing, and I don't want those people to win.

00:25:33.751 --> 00:25:35.383
And I call that surviving out of spite.

00:25:35.383 --> 00:25:39.741
And I heard it somewhere and it just stuck and I kept it and I use that.

00:25:39.741 --> 00:25:48.273
I use that spite to channel my trauma, and the way we process.

00:25:48.273 --> 00:26:01.127
Trauma is really important, and if you don't channel it into something productive or meaningful or find a way to have it push you, it's going to harm you.

00:26:02.451 --> 00:26:29.710
I couldn't agree more and I think in the first couple episodes telling people you've been handed this horrible thing anyways, right, so you can either use it to destroy you or you can try to figure out a way and it doesn't matter what it is I mean, the worse it is, the harder this is but then you can use it as a gift if you want to perceive it that way, A prove them wrong gift, a get angry about your success gift.

00:26:29.710 --> 00:26:31.961
I think about it all the time I'm at the gym.

00:26:31.961 --> 00:26:38.163
I think about somebody that doesn't want me to proceed in life and have the things that I'm entitled to in life.

00:26:38.163 --> 00:26:41.429
It's like, well, they'd want you to quit that pull up.

00:26:41.429 --> 00:26:43.853
They'd want you to quit that extra hour of work.

00:26:43.853 --> 00:26:45.275
It's like, give up on that degree.

00:26:45.275 --> 00:26:50.461
That's hard.

00:26:50.461 --> 00:26:51.102
They would want you to do that.

00:26:51.281 --> 00:26:52.945
And I guess I elaborate on your point because I love it so much.

00:26:52.945 --> 00:27:03.570
I use it myself and I think, if done productively, other people can really use it to get where they want to too, Because, let's face it, there's a lot of people that are unfair to other people and it destroys some people right it.

00:27:03.570 --> 00:27:06.394
It only just narrowly avoid.

00:27:06.394 --> 00:27:09.406
I mean, for me personally, it only narrowly avoid destroying me.

00:27:09.406 --> 00:27:11.540
I mean, can you attest to that as well?

00:27:12.382 --> 00:27:14.646
Absolutely, absolutely and it's.

00:27:15.228 --> 00:27:45.509
It's all about how you process that trauma and where, where you're going to put it and how you're going to use it, and every day is different and I don't want, I don't want people to think like, um, that I'm out here every single day, always doing you know a hundred percent, because I'm not, no one is, and that's not healthy, um, so I did want to say that real quick that it's okay to take breaks and it's okay to have seasons, and I definitely have seasons where where I'm not, um, I'm not hitting the ground running.

00:27:45.509 --> 00:28:01.148
So I wanted to correct that because when I said that, I was like that might not be received well and I know if I was hearing that from someone, I might internalize that in a way that would make me feel negative and I want people to know that do not feel negative, because nobody is hitting the ground running every day.

00:28:01.148 --> 00:28:15.067
Some people are not hitting the ground running most of the time and they're still succeeding, and it's okay to have seasons and take breaks and netflix and chill and let your body.

00:28:15.087 --> 00:28:16.212
Let your body take those breaks without feeling guilty.

00:28:16.212 --> 00:28:17.318
I think people totally understand it and it's you know.

00:28:17.318 --> 00:28:25.564
It's some days it's like you'll be running with no opposition and then some days you're going to be in a trough of muck, flooding through it as best you can right.

00:28:25.564 --> 00:28:28.047
It's like they can't all and it's pushing you backwards a little bit.

00:28:28.126 --> 00:28:51.361
Right, they can't all be good days, but I, I love, um, the speaking of your truth, uh, the frameworks, and it's interesting, like, because we, we do want to uh be respectful of everyone who's listening, uh to what we're saying, but you, you're not only a survivor, you're a thriver, right?

00:28:51.361 --> 00:28:54.067
And then you talk about focusing that energy.

00:28:54.067 --> 00:28:58.344
Can you explain to me, like, how do you go about focusing it?

00:28:58.344 --> 00:29:03.084
How do you take it to that, to the level that you need to take it to, when you need to take it to that?

00:29:06.030 --> 00:29:06.873
Can you reframe that?

00:29:14.460 --> 00:29:15.281
can you reframe that?

00:29:15.281 --> 00:29:15.782
Absolutely so there's.

00:29:15.782 --> 00:29:33.211
There's a piece where um, surviving out of spite is that how you put it, surviving out of spite it doesn't even feel like survival, it feels like a thriving, because there's a gear that you step into, there's something that you push through, and there's one coach said this to me you have your breakthroughs.

00:29:33.211 --> 00:29:36.205
When you have your breakdowns, like you learn something new.

00:29:36.205 --> 00:29:41.086
And so, as you've gone through your process, where, where did those breakthroughs come in?

00:29:41.086 --> 00:29:43.102
Where you're just like oh my goodness, I'm thriving.

00:29:43.102 --> 00:29:45.470
Where it's almost like I can't believe I'm doing this.

00:29:45.940 --> 00:29:48.563
Where it's almost like I can't believe I'm doing this.

00:29:48.563 --> 00:29:50.625
I can't say that I heck.

00:29:50.625 --> 00:29:52.627
I can pinpoint any of those moments.

00:29:52.627 --> 00:30:09.843
I think that I am so incredibly hard on myself that I never feel like what I'm doing is enough and and and that pushes me.

00:30:09.843 --> 00:30:33.761
Because it pushes me so hard, because if I don't think that I'm doing enough, then those people who I want, I want to regret, you know those, the abuse and the things that they did to me, then they probably don't think that I'm doing enough and I think that that's where, that's where my push comes from and I can't say I definitely can say I've had breakdowns, which I've had breakthroughs from, but I can't pinpoint one to discuss.

00:30:33.781 --> 00:30:37.686
I guess the interesting part too is a lot of people don't realize this on a fundamental level.

00:30:37.686 --> 00:30:44.153
But growing a muscle is literally tearing that muscle down and then you eat stuff that repairs that muscle and guess what?

00:30:44.153 --> 00:30:51.067
It grows back bigger and I think maybe that's a great example of what your mindset is right.

00:30:51.067 --> 00:30:58.346
You get torn, you get hit, you know you, you feed it and it grows and it makes you a better person, right.

00:30:58.346 --> 00:31:00.695
And you give it rest and you give it rest.

00:31:00.695 --> 00:31:05.326
I've not always been great at that.

00:31:05.926 --> 00:31:10.212
Well, I will say um, uh, one thing is.

00:31:10.212 --> 00:31:15.883
There's a saying god will hit you with a feather, a baseball bat and then a semi-truck.

00:31:15.883 --> 00:31:29.432
I've been hit by a lot of semi-trucks I think we all have in this in this room and ultimately, like looking back and saying crap, this happened here and this happened here, and this is why I do this over here.

00:31:29.432 --> 00:31:37.404
Um, you are a star yeah, like you're an absolute star and you're shining yeah, and it, it.

00:31:37.404 --> 00:31:44.404
It is like there's no way that you can say something within five minutes, and this is what I've learned in my journey.

00:31:44.404 --> 00:31:52.423
So, uh, hopefully it supports everybody is what I've learned in my journey.

00:31:52.423 --> 00:31:53.306
So hopefully it supports everybody.

00:31:53.326 --> 00:31:54.490
If I say what I do in five minutes, it's not enough.

00:31:54.490 --> 00:31:59.085
Like someone's going to find somewhere to pick at the message, like they're going to oh well, what about this and what about this?

00:31:59.085 --> 00:32:00.930
Life's a fluid game.

00:32:00.930 --> 00:32:07.809
Like it's such a fluid game and ultimately it's it's the game of how do we thrive?

00:32:07.809 --> 00:32:09.993
Like how do we thrive in this?

00:32:09.993 --> 00:32:23.636
And so the message that you send to the foster system, like if there were kids listening to this, if there were even adults listening to this, what do they do to thrive?

00:32:23.636 --> 00:32:27.128
Like if they are caught into that like who do I ask?

00:32:27.128 --> 00:32:27.931
Who do I talk to?

00:32:27.931 --> 00:32:29.962
Is there something that you would say?

00:32:29.962 --> 00:32:33.372
This this is what I would do if I was in that situation.

00:32:34.519 --> 00:32:34.800
Yes.

00:32:34.800 --> 00:32:39.016
So what I tell kids I think I mentioned this earlier is ask and keep asking.

00:32:39.016 --> 00:33:03.383
For everyone that tells you know, um, for every 10 people that tell you no, there's one that's going to tell you, yes, that, um, when you do hit a roadblock, um, you know, or you hit one of those breakdowns, I this is a meditation that I do and I say is this going to affect me in 10 minutes a day, a week, a year?

00:33:03.383 --> 00:33:16.200
And if those answers like well, and I process those answers accordingly and I give myself time, I'm like, okay, well, let me just get through this next 10 minutes and it'll be over and it'll be done.

00:33:17.381 --> 00:33:30.054
And I think that we often see our life and our healing and our recovery as like having a goal, like a set goal.

00:33:30.054 --> 00:33:32.436
We'll all do all date.

00:33:32.436 --> 00:33:36.667
Once I'm healed, I will all focus on this.

00:33:36.667 --> 00:33:55.613
Once I'm, once I'm recovered from this, or once I fully healed from this, and once I've processed this trauma, we, we kind of put everything as like a goal, like, oh, if I'm, if I'm two, 50 and jacks, like that's my goal and that's, that's it, that's why I want to be.

00:33:55.613 --> 00:34:00.410
But that's not, that's not a, that's not a fair way to view life.

00:34:00.410 --> 00:34:01.941
It's not a fair way to view healing.

00:34:01.941 --> 00:34:04.304
It's not a fair way to view your fitness.

00:34:04.304 --> 00:34:20.760
Um, because I did um, I think it was a 75 card challenge, yeah, and once I was done I was like, oh, I'm done, yes, and like I even stepped foot in the gym then Do you?

00:34:21.101 --> 00:34:22.264
I'm curious about your mind.

00:34:22.264 --> 00:34:25.742
This way too Do you promise yourself things at times and then do the takeaway.

00:34:25.742 --> 00:34:27.846
I'll give you a good example really quick.

00:34:27.846 --> 00:34:31.213
It's like, let's say, I'm tired and I'm going to go train with Cliff.

00:34:31.213 --> 00:34:36.181
We used to train about noon every day and I remember like some days I'd be like cause I used to wake up at three o'clock in the morning.

00:34:36.181 --> 00:34:54.650
I'd be falling asleep in the car on the way there and I'm like man, I can the chocolate shake cake.

00:34:54.650 --> 00:34:58.561
I passed the shake by, you know.

00:34:58.581 --> 00:35:01.472
I promised myself that, but then, when it came time to give it to myself, I didn't do it.

00:35:01.472 --> 00:35:02.635
I don't actually need that.

00:35:02.655 --> 00:35:03.458
I don't want it yeah.

00:35:04.199 --> 00:35:06.101
I guess I would say I do stuff like that.

00:35:07.083 --> 00:35:07.463
What's that?

00:35:07.704 --> 00:35:12.728
Yeah, I would say I do something like that, but it's because I'm mad at myself.

00:35:12.728 --> 00:35:16.572
I'm mad at myself, I had to, I had to ride myself and I'm like, well, I don't deserve that anymore.

00:35:18.114 --> 00:35:19.836
And you know what you deserve your chocolate.

00:35:20.139 --> 00:35:21.362
You deserved your chocolate.

00:35:21.402 --> 00:35:22.021
You know what?

00:35:22.021 --> 00:35:23.664
Yeah, I always said this.

00:35:23.664 --> 00:35:25.626
I I always said this I was going to get driven crazy.

00:35:25.626 --> 00:35:26.668
That drives me crazy.

00:35:26.668 --> 00:35:37.204
You guys, if you guys probably use yourself stuff, you got to be respectful to your brain because your brain's like what the yeah, you said you were going to do that for me.

00:35:37.244 --> 00:35:38.327
Where's my chocolate cake?

00:35:42.983 --> 00:35:55.559
I literally pumped dopamine for this, but we really, I really think we have to stop viewing things as goals, cause, like, like you said, life is fluid and there's no, there's no end goal.

00:35:55.559 --> 00:36:00.771
There's no end goal because if you set an end goal, uh, then your progress stops.

00:36:00.771 --> 00:36:06.851
Your progress stops once you reach that goal, and there's, there's no such thing as an end goal with healing.

00:36:07.079 --> 00:36:09.090
There's no such thing as an end goal with healing.

00:36:09.090 --> 00:36:10.800
There's no such thing as an end goal with recovery from trauma.

00:36:10.800 --> 00:36:14.951
There's no such thing as an end goal with learning and emotional growth.

00:36:14.951 --> 00:36:23.065
Self-growth there's no such thing as an end goal, because once you hit that end goal, you're not going to grow and healing is a never-ending journey.

00:36:23.065 --> 00:36:28.791
Self-growth is a never-ending journey, and fitness should be, but I just need to get back in the gym.

00:36:29.900 --> 00:36:32.467
Well, I will say you're doing amazing.

00:36:32.467 --> 00:36:44.081
And so I have something called the fighters formula and I talk about the cycle of things and you were talking about a cycle is like, uh, respect your cycle, right.

00:36:44.081 --> 00:36:48.931
And it's like, oh, we all have some sort of cycle that we're going through.

00:36:48.931 --> 00:36:52.786
And I go what if we were to cycle up?

00:36:52.786 --> 00:37:03.289
We cycle up because when we get through something, a pain or a trauma, it allows us to help others get through that pain or trauma.

00:37:04.110 --> 00:37:17.992
And I may have lessons that you have, but only you can support your tribe in the way that you can support your tribe, and they'll only accept you to support the tribe, just as some people might only accept me and some people might only accept Tyler.

00:37:17.992 --> 00:37:31.402
And as I went through this journey, I'm like, holy crap, it's a light versus dark thing, it's a light versus dark thing, dark thing, it's a light versus dark thing.

00:37:31.402 --> 00:37:35.853
And when we can get that through, now we know what to look for, who to look for and who to support and who to call out on their shit.

00:37:35.853 --> 00:37:43.293
No, kids shouldn't be locked up and put into a place to be poorly conditioned.

00:37:43.293 --> 00:37:52.286
I mean, that is what is happening Kids are being put into a place to be poorly conditioned, and then they're growing up without a chance in the world.

00:37:53.067 --> 00:37:53.706
That's not right.

00:37:53.706 --> 00:37:55.487
Know this from awareness aspect.

00:37:55.487 --> 00:38:17.155
Can you talk about some of the stats around um especially I think it's um 16 up age out foster youth area and the sex trafficking um uh, sexual abuse?

00:38:19.882 --> 00:38:24.469
yeah, yeah, depending on where the statistics come from.

00:38:24.469 --> 00:38:38.766
We don't have um a lot of up to date or really great information around sex trafficking and foster care, and I could go into the list of reasons for that, but I won't but depending on where you get it.

00:38:38.766 --> 00:39:16.610
As many as 90% of the children rescued from trafficking were involved with foster care in some way, and generally, generally, that's because we have these extremely vulnerable children who are they're, they're pretty much, they've been set up and they've been programmed to work and, like foster care sets children up exactly to be conditioned for for trafficking to accept so to accept love from anybody almost from strangers and to be trusting, because in 36 films I had to sit there.

00:39:17.271 --> 00:39:28.431
From two years old, you just meet someone, you're expected to form a connection with them and trust them and rely on them to take care of you, feed you, bathe you, cl, clothe you, and they're complete strangers.

00:39:28.431 --> 00:39:33.829
They are complete strangers and for most children this would be traumatic.

00:39:33.829 --> 00:39:37.045
This would be an event that they wouldn't be able to recover from.

00:39:37.045 --> 00:39:41.342
And for foster youth, we're expecting them to do it over and over and over and over again.

00:39:41.342 --> 00:39:47.293
And when they, when they meet someone, they're going to be immediately trusting, they're going to um, they're going to believe.

00:39:47.293 --> 00:39:54.262
Immediately trusting, they're going to um, they're going to believe them if they're like, hey, I can buy you all these gifts, I can get you these things, um, and they're gonna.

00:39:54.262 --> 00:39:57.469
They're just extremely, extremely, uh, vulnerable.

00:39:58.192 --> 00:40:04.592
And then we have that's and that's just like the children aspect, because they're already in a vulnerable situation.

00:40:04.592 --> 00:40:10.661
Most foster parents, I would say from my experience, don't have the right intentions.

00:40:10.661 --> 00:40:25.349
And then when you age out of foster care and you're homeless, or you're struggling with about to be homeless, sleeping on people's couches, then there's a whole new side of trafficking where it's not.

00:40:25.349 --> 00:40:28.639
You know, child trafficking, this is adult trafficking.

00:40:28.639 --> 00:40:45.713
But then you get arrested and you're labeled as a prostitute, when really you're being victimized by somebody who's convincing you to do these things because you're so vulnerable and the system that was created to protect you and help you hasn't set you up for life.

00:40:46.740 --> 00:40:46.960
Yeah.

00:40:48.384 --> 00:40:59.793
I got very passionate no, I need people to see that, you know I, I it's so important because that's not like people don't know this, right, and that's part of you know.

00:40:59.793 --> 00:41:12.802
I wanted to make sure to pull through your platform and everything you're saying, because everything you're saying is so important and we're approaching as usually we talk about this a lot on this show we're approaching a lot of this stuff wrong, you know, and hearing what you're saying is so important and we're approaching as usually we talk about this a lot on this show we're approaching a lot of this stuff wrong, you know, and hearing what you're talking about.

00:41:12.802 --> 00:41:19.512
And that's why I always say politicians need to go now and immerse into the foster care system and find out what it's really like.

00:41:19.512 --> 00:41:21.860
You know because from my understanding too.

00:41:21.860 --> 00:41:24.347
So there's a wonderful home here in town.

00:41:24.347 --> 00:41:30.342
It's called Sunshine Acres Children's Home home here in town.

00:41:30.742 --> 00:41:36.876
It's called Sunshine Acres Children's Home, and what's super cool about the home here in town is they accept donations of furniture.

00:41:36.876 --> 00:41:38.943
The founding family's daughter actually set this up.

00:41:38.943 --> 00:41:39.646
It was genius.

00:41:39.646 --> 00:41:41.474
I love it from a business standpoint too.

00:41:41.474 --> 00:41:43.742
It's like very efficient charity.

00:41:43.742 --> 00:41:54.300
So you donate the furniture there, right, and they sell the furniture and they make, I think, like 1.7 million dollars a year or something like that, and a lot of that goes to fund the home you can actually.

00:41:54.300 --> 00:41:57.027
Lisa, I want you to come to arizona sometime and take the tour.

00:41:57.027 --> 00:41:59.844
I'd love to hear your side of what you think of this place.

00:42:00.204 --> 00:42:03.641
They'll take you to golf I'll look into it, but I can't please do that you're.

00:42:03.641 --> 00:42:08.110
I can't promise that you're gonna like, like what I'm going to say, because I can be very opinionated.

00:42:08.110 --> 00:42:09.114
Are you going to come to Arizona?

00:42:09.300 --> 00:42:11.387
No, it's I mean life is about learning.

00:42:11.387 --> 00:42:13.804
Are you going to come?

00:42:15.460 --> 00:42:22.320
I'm going to look into the organization and I'll message you on Instagram and let you know.

00:42:22.619 --> 00:42:26.320
Okay, perfect, and if we have to cut this part, we will.

00:42:26.320 --> 00:42:36.889
You can do the tour, right tour and go through the neighborhood and it's all houses and the kids actually live in their own room as a family.

00:42:36.889 --> 00:42:46.257
And I actually I volunteered there for about five years and when you mentioned the age out kids, the age out kids quite often worked with me in the fulfillment center.

00:42:46.257 --> 00:42:52.244
The age out kids quite often worked with me in the fulfillment center and so I would talk, and what was interesting too is like one girl I remember worked at the desk and I worked with this guy.

00:42:52.244 --> 00:43:02.824
Quite often they look completely different, but they're like this is my brother and sister and it's because they grew up in the same house and they tried to dedicate as much of a family as possible, and uh, and so I thought it was a really neat, neat place.

00:43:02.885 --> 00:43:03.766
I spent a lot of years there.

00:43:03.766 --> 00:43:16.490
I was really interested in what they were doing and why they were doing it, and I heard the other side was much like we're talking today, more similar to like you can't have shampoo, you can't have a steak knife, you have to have plastic.

00:43:16.490 --> 00:43:26.465
It sounded more like prison than anything else and so, yeah, I'd love some feedback on that place because from my perception, it seems like they're doing it right, I'll definitely, I'll look right so.

00:43:27.588 --> 00:43:28.188
I'll definitely.

00:43:28.188 --> 00:43:31.773
I'll look at it and I'll send you my my key takeaways.

00:43:33.400 --> 00:43:36.625
Okay, and so you know the other.

00:43:36.625 --> 00:43:44.855
The other thing we totally have to get to and this is where I think I'm going to rile you up a little bit is again oh, you're already riled, okay.

00:43:45.675 --> 00:43:46.016
Okay.

00:43:50.800 --> 00:43:51.884
So Lisa's doing this amazing work.

00:43:51.884 --> 00:43:58.768
In my opinion, you know, and I think, many, many other people's opinion as well and, uh, and she's out there every day talking about this stuff and it's not easy to talk about your upbringing at all.

00:43:58.768 --> 00:44:00.963
Right, it's not easy to talk about this stuff.

00:44:00.963 --> 00:44:05.846
This doesn't just flow out like water and it's easy to talk about, but it does help people.

00:44:05.846 --> 00:44:08.456
Right gets a lot.

00:44:08.456 --> 00:44:09.420
I've seen it personally.

00:44:09.420 --> 00:44:11.344
It makes me, it really makes me mad.

00:44:11.583 --> 00:44:21.052
She gets a lot of hate online about this yeah, and you are on a beautiful, articulate powerhouse of a woman.

00:44:21.052 --> 00:44:28.471
I can see that, because sometimes, when the stars are shining, it's very, very bright and people want to throw crap at it.

00:44:29.760 --> 00:44:32.911
What do we do when people are bullying the champions of the world?

00:44:32.911 --> 00:44:38.126
There is not a negative thing, in my opinion, that Lisa is doing for the world right now with her online presence.

00:44:38.126 --> 00:44:49.291
You know, like when I watch her online she's helping people, she's talking about issues that are really difficult to talk about so that way kids can understand there's somebody else going through it, so they can get through it.

00:44:49.291 --> 00:45:00.072
And now we have people trying to take because, honestly, lisa, if you listen to them enough, you'd go back and you'd stop doing social media all together, you know, and then, like, these kids wouldn't have you as a tool so what do we do?

00:45:00.199 --> 00:45:01.181
I have taken a break.

00:45:01.362 --> 00:45:02.884
I've been taking a break.

00:45:02.884 --> 00:45:04.085
What?

00:45:04.085 --> 00:45:07.851
What I would say champions hang out with champions.

00:45:07.851 --> 00:45:10.253
Good answer, you know I.

00:45:10.434 --> 00:45:13.929
I saw um so, cliff and I are going to follow you around.

00:45:13.929 --> 00:45:15.255
All, yeah, you, you get me.

00:45:15.255 --> 00:45:16.159
So there was a.

00:45:16.280 --> 00:45:30.483
There was a rocky line there was a rocky line that um, that tyler sent to me and it talks about life will beat you up, it will chew you up, it will spit you out, it will do whatever it wants to do you mean, nobody is going to hit as hard as life?

00:45:30.503 --> 00:45:43.141
yeah, no one hits harder than life, and the game is surround yourself with people who are going to stand up with you or who are going to even pull you up to remind you of your dream and your mission.

00:45:43.141 --> 00:45:50.005
You know, I really got into lead leaders, and the reason I lead leaders this game's hard.

00:45:50.005 --> 00:45:53.007
The game called life is hard.

00:45:53.007 --> 00:45:57.990
It's a hard game and as is above, so is below.

00:45:57.990 --> 00:46:05.596
The people who lead the best are the ones who have gotten the most crap thrown at them, and they figure it out.

00:46:05.596 --> 00:46:10.985
And they, they, they figure it out in such a way they don't just rise for themselves, they rise for others.

00:46:10.985 --> 00:46:16.688
That's the entrepreneurial journey, that's the dream being able to solve problems for other people.

00:46:16.688 --> 00:46:26.826
And where there's this zero sum game that's going on, where it's like oh well, that's not my problem, make it your problem, make it your problem.

00:46:26.826 --> 00:46:32.164
We're supposed to be in this game together and and yeah, leaders, leaders, leaders.

00:46:32.425 --> 00:46:45.590
Raise leaders up if you don't have a heart for the situation in general, I'm sorry for you for one, but even if you want to talk about it from an intellectual level, let's just talk about it for a second 90 incarceration rate.

00:46:45.590 --> 00:46:47.884
Do you know what that cost a society?

00:46:47.884 --> 00:46:51.666
Oh yeah, if you don't want to use your heart to think about it, use your mind to think about it.

00:46:52.742 --> 00:46:54.610
It is something that everyone needs to do.

00:46:54.610 --> 00:46:58.179
It would cost less just to fix foster care In the first place.

00:46:58.422 --> 00:46:58.826
Exactly.

00:47:01.650 --> 00:47:04.139
Isn't that crazy and we don't pay attention.

00:47:04.139 --> 00:47:05.224
I talk about it all the time.

00:47:05.224 --> 00:47:08.590
The little scientific circle of life.

00:47:08.590 --> 00:47:11.706
Right, we cut the ants out of the system, you know.

00:47:11.706 --> 00:47:13.170
And next thing, you know, the wolves starve.

00:47:13.170 --> 00:47:15.387
You know, purposely murder it, every time on purpose.

00:47:15.387 --> 00:47:23.291
But the point is you take one thing out of the food chain, it ruins the food chain and it does the same thing in every collateral system, right?

00:47:34.199 --> 00:47:35.320
no-transcript.

00:47:35.320 --> 00:47:37.887
I'm not going to say I don't want to get too far down that road.

00:47:37.887 --> 00:47:39.487
I would call people monsters and stuff.

00:47:39.487 --> 00:47:44.376
But that is not the right way to fix this system.

00:47:44.797 --> 00:47:45.599
Right, yep.

00:47:45.599 --> 00:48:02.541
So what we're going to do is continue to rise above and be strong for one another, because, yeah, life haters gonna hate and I could see why people would hate on you just because you are amazing.

00:48:02.541 --> 00:48:04.076
You're an amazing human being.

00:48:04.409 --> 00:48:05.590
Well, she's a badass helicopter pilot.

00:48:05.590 --> 00:48:08.250
Yeah like it's just like I gotta she's beautiful, she's got a beautiful heart.

00:48:08.250 --> 00:48:11.978
I gotta find something to hate on you to make my life feel just a little bit better.

00:48:22.369 --> 00:48:23.612
See, you'd be a great zombie apocalypse partner too.

00:48:23.612 --> 00:48:33.702
You have all these skills, lisa, if I were to give you some sort of golden ticket or golden paycheck, or one of those big cards with an unlimited amount of money and any people you wanted to help with your cause.

00:48:33.702 --> 00:48:37.989
What could you to like make impact if people would listen to you more?

00:48:40.614 --> 00:48:51.860
I think to make the biggest impact for foster care and foster youth outcomes, I would change the way that we vet our foster families.

00:48:51.860 --> 00:49:08.001
I would change the way that we advertise, which I don't like using that word, but that's what we do essentially is we advertise, usually in low income areas, for people to become foster parents and we say you know, do you want money for taking care of kids?

00:49:08.001 --> 00:49:10.717
You know, pull a ticket and call this number.

00:49:10.717 --> 00:49:25.557
It's kind of atrocious and we're starting from not a great place already and I would require trauma-informed parenting for foster parents.

00:49:26.318 --> 00:49:31.918
Every child going through foster care is going through trauma and when foster parents aren't trauma-informed, abuse happens.

00:49:31.918 --> 00:49:53.911
And abuse becomes so incredibly prevalent the more traumatized the child is because they're going to push your buttons, they're going to get on your nerves and if we have a bunch of foster parents that don't have any idea, a lot of foster parents don't even know what trauma informed parenting is and we're creating, we're creating more issues in children.

00:49:53.911 --> 00:49:57.418
We have to change the incentivized.

00:49:57.418 --> 00:50:26.755
Foster parents are incentivized to say, well, this kid is violent, or this kid is this, or this kid has these health problems now, or these mental problems, and they get more money so that foster parent might get 200 more dollars for this kid a month, but now the number of homes that this kid can go to went from 75 to maybe 10, because now there's no specialized homes for them, because you made up something about them, and then I think the biggest factor is.

00:50:30.610 --> 00:50:38.802
Sorry, I was going to say they could be giving them an unfair label to make some money, and then they're tagged for life and that's exactly what happens.

00:50:39.050 --> 00:50:40.793
But we see it happen time and time again.

00:50:40.853 --> 00:50:55.431
They're incentivized to to lie yeah and if, if you tell someone you're going to give, I'm going to give you 200, 300, 400, sometimes 600 extra dollars, if you say this they're, they're going to say it probably yeah.

00:50:55.431 --> 00:51:10.780
And then the biggest thing that we need to change, I think, is we have this idea with foster parents, where foster parents kind of get possessive over foster children.

00:51:10.780 --> 00:51:24.887
There's almost a, there's a huge disconnect between the biological parent, who might be in recovery, might be, you know, incarcerated, might be trying, might be an active addiction, trying to get into recovery.

00:51:24.887 --> 00:51:31.884
And we see these foster parents say, well, I take care of this kid, I know what's best for them, and they kind of push that bio parent away.

00:51:31.884 --> 00:51:33.275
And that is that's usually.

00:51:33.275 --> 00:51:39.909
Well, that's always going to be harmful If the, if the end goal is reunification.

00:51:40.510 --> 00:51:49.193
In most cases, in almost all cases, reunification is the beginning goal and if it, if it turns out that that can't happen, then that's okay.

00:51:50.496 --> 00:52:07.822
But if, while reunification is still a goal or still on the table for this child and their parent, the foster parent needs to make sure to build that connection, build up the biological parent, help them, reach out to them, say, hey, this is, um, this is what your kid is eating this week.

00:52:07.822 --> 00:52:08.771
This is what we're doing.

00:52:08.771 --> 00:52:12.943
We went to the doctors and there's one really amazing person on Tik TOK.

00:52:12.943 --> 00:52:22.483
Her name's Laura, foster parent coach, and she has so many amazing examples of this and I wish that every foster parent could be exactly like her.

00:52:22.483 --> 00:52:28.298
And if you check out her page, you'll see like this this is the foster parent that foster kids want.

00:52:28.298 --> 00:52:31.331
This is a foster parent I wish I could have had that.

00:52:31.331 --> 00:52:37.177
Every foster child wishes that they can have she is doing I am just bad wishes that they can have she is doing I.

00:52:37.177 --> 00:52:37.416
I am just.

00:52:37.416 --> 00:52:53.141
She's doing everything right, the exact right way between trauma, informed parenting, helping the biological parent, co-parenting with a biological parent, in a sense healthy, very healthy.

00:52:54.492 --> 00:52:56.449
That's how we're going to change outcomes.

00:52:56.449 --> 00:53:01.210
Yeah, absolutely.

00:53:01.210 --> 00:53:08.335
It's almost like there needs to be more education within the system itself, because, from what I'm hearing too, it's kind of like okay, you want to be a foster parent, your heart's in the right place.

00:53:08.335 --> 00:53:13.802
Now you're given some foster kids and then you have to hit the round running.

00:53:13.802 --> 00:53:25.922
I mean, I guess parents do too from a certain extent, but forgive me for saying this, there's gotta be way more complexity, you know, with picking up becoming a foster parent as opposed to becoming a parent, I would assume.

00:53:28.451 --> 00:53:29.797
And becoming a foster parent.

00:53:30.822 --> 00:53:32.230
I mean, so you're a.

00:53:32.510 --> 00:53:35.257
I mean it's a class.

00:53:36.420 --> 00:53:40.278
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, and there's no class right and a background check yeah.

00:53:40.278 --> 00:53:45.481
Yeah, I mean, I guess there's no class for becoming a parent either, but you at least get to grow into it.

00:53:47.673 --> 00:53:49.179
Yeah, that's really complex.

00:53:49.179 --> 00:54:01.244
That's really complex actually, but I do want to ask the question because you were bringing up, and also I know you're, a wealth of resources and knowledge.

00:54:01.244 --> 00:54:10.644
Is there any documentaries that a person could watch or anything specific where they could deep dive and understand this journey a little bit more?

00:54:13.550 --> 00:54:19.523
There is a documentary that was made about my sister and about a little bit about my life.

00:54:19.523 --> 00:54:24.322
It doesn't have a lot of great solutions and also I want to give a trigger warning because it is.

00:54:24.322 --> 00:54:47.369
It talks about very sensitive um topics and abuse, sexual abuse and violence and um, it's called playgrounds and it's called the child trafficking in America and it is called Playgrounds and it's called the Child Trafficking in America and it is about my sister and her trafficking and a little bit about my biological family life.

00:54:54.030 --> 00:54:57.429
It doesn't have a lot of solutions that you're looking for, but it will give you insight onto how these things come about.

00:54:57.429 --> 00:54:58.630
Have you ever met I believe?

00:54:58.630 --> 00:55:01.797
His name is Tim Ballard and he runs operation underground railroad, uh.

00:55:01.998 --> 00:55:04.731
I haven't met him, but I did look him up.

00:55:04.731 --> 00:55:05.452
I looked him up.

00:55:06.074 --> 00:55:08.400
Yeah, I feel like he he could get a lot of.

00:55:08.400 --> 00:55:12.114
I mean, he's out there immersed in this and you know, and helping with it a lot.

00:55:12.114 --> 00:55:22.800
But you know, I feel like you could be a good advocate for all that and I think you should talk to him a little bit about what he's doing, because I think that your information is invaluable.

00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:26.521
I'm sure he has a ton too, but you're straight from the source.

00:55:26.521 --> 00:55:31.788
You understand it like nobody does, and I don't know if anybody's thinking about it from the foster angle.

00:55:31.788 --> 00:55:38.461
Really, I think we all know there's a problem out there, but I don't know if we're realizing how much of the problem is it from the foster system?

00:55:39.103 --> 00:55:42.273
Yeah, absolutely Foster kids are forgotten about.

00:55:43.456 --> 00:55:47.657
Yeah, Do you know um, and Anthony trunks by chance.

00:55:49.130 --> 00:55:50.094
I don't show.

00:55:50.094 --> 00:55:50.856
Am I supposed to?

00:55:51.717 --> 00:56:10.853
So well, he was part of the, the foster system too, and uh ended up uh playing in the nfl uh part of russell brunson, like it's a marketing thing, but he talked about uh, yeah, this is kind of graphic, so uh, skip this part these three minutes if you have to.

00:56:10.853 --> 00:56:19.938
But, um, they would have him lick a shoe to the point his tongue would start bleeding like just vile, vile things.

00:56:19.938 --> 00:56:22.976
And, yeah, he shares his story.

00:56:22.976 --> 00:56:28.056
But the guy is such a powerhouse Like he's a powerhouse individual and he has a podcast too.

00:56:28.056 --> 00:56:31.940
So I would love to see if you both connected as well.

00:56:32.280 --> 00:56:37.173
Absolutely, I have so many stories like that.

00:56:37.173 --> 00:56:39.335
Where foster parents would?

00:56:39.335 --> 00:56:41.438
I hear this a lot on TikTok.

00:56:41.438 --> 00:56:42.639
They're like why didn't you tell somebody?

00:56:42.639 --> 00:56:43.601
Why didn't you do this?

00:56:43.780 --> 00:56:44.681
First of all, I was a child.

00:56:44.742 --> 00:57:22.978
I didn't know that these things like these weird punishments right, well, they didn't hit me, they made me lick a shoe, or you know, I had foster parents that made me I had to stand in the corner on one leg with my hands in the air, um, and sometimes I had to hold the book, sometimes not, but in the basement for hours and hours, like I'm talking like eight hours, 12 hours at a time, and, um, if we like they came in and we switched legs, it's not, they didn't hit us, but they would get really close in our face and scream at us and you know it.

00:57:23.880 --> 00:57:39.110
So when I mean some foster parents did hit, obviously, but when you're at a place where you're like, okay, well, they're not necessarily hurting me, or they're like they're not hitting me physically, it can be really confusing.

00:57:39.110 --> 00:57:43.510
And so, on tiktok, there's a lot of people who you know they are bullies, and why don't you tell someone?

00:57:43.510 --> 00:57:44.253
That's your own fault.

00:57:44.253 --> 00:57:54.532
It's confusing because if you're a child and you're in this situation, you know that the the next one could be much worse, or the one that you came from previous was much worse.

00:57:54.532 --> 00:57:55.795
So you're in this gray area.

00:57:55.795 --> 00:57:56.797
Where do I tell?

00:57:56.797 --> 00:58:10.748
Do I not tell yeah, and so I find that, um, that really resonated with me and it kind of hurt my heart a little bit to hear that I would love to, I would love to talk to him and hopefully we can speak about some nice things.

00:58:11.231 --> 00:58:12.036
Great individual.

00:58:12.036 --> 00:58:14.038
You guys would absolutely love each other.

00:58:14.038 --> 00:58:27.094
And I'll tell you like one thing as we go through the cycles, the more and more cycles you go through, the humbler you get At least that's from my perspective lens.

00:58:27.094 --> 00:58:29.480
And it's so funny because-.

00:58:29.840 --> 00:58:30.782
For people with good hearts.

00:58:30.782 --> 00:58:32.833
Yeah, Well, yeah that's true too.

00:58:33.614 --> 00:58:35.217
Yeah, so the bad, bad heart.

00:58:35.217 --> 00:58:48.463
Not so good, but but I will when, when people are speaking, they're speaking through not knowing, you know, like even as a fighter, yeah, everybody would know what to do.

00:58:48.463 --> 00:58:51.958
Sitting on the stance, yeah, sitting on the sidelines 2020.

00:58:51.958 --> 00:58:52.541
Well, why didn't?

00:58:52.561 --> 00:58:57.260
you do that well, no crap, I would have loved to have done that.

00:58:57.260 --> 00:58:58.001
I was five.

00:58:58.001 --> 00:59:03.797
Yeah, tell it with the stress, and that's the piece.

00:59:03.797 --> 00:59:08.559
People come from such an ignorance.

00:59:08.559 --> 00:59:16.222
Sometimes they don't take the time to actually listen to you and your journey, and that's fine.

00:59:16.222 --> 00:59:20.431
Leaders lead.

00:59:20.431 --> 00:59:21.554
Listen to you and your journey and that's fine.

00:59:21.554 --> 00:59:26.827
You know like, uh, leaders lead and that's what I've just learned is I, I will use what serves me and just let go of the rest if it's not serving me.

00:59:26.827 --> 00:59:29.938
Okay, you know, if it's triggering me, what's the point?

00:59:29.938 --> 00:59:31.322
It's not serving anything.

00:59:31.322 --> 00:59:35.574
Um, but yeah, haters, especially in tiktok.

00:59:35.574 --> 00:59:39.382
I know they can really be crazy in there from time to time.

00:59:40.271 --> 00:59:42.076
That's why it's like you know.

00:59:42.076 --> 00:59:53.005
So we're on episode 11 now and our goals initially in this were a lot to do around creating awareness around the topic and trying to help people with tools and others.

00:59:53.005 --> 00:59:59.333
You know, along the ways we've gotten to do exactly what I love, which is help platform other people.

00:59:59.333 --> 01:00:01.418
Now Lisa already has a huge platform on her own.

01:00:01.418 --> 01:00:10.034
You know she has you know she was just on Dr Phil she has tons of followers like that, but I mean she's super we're lucky we even got her on the show.

01:00:10.414 --> 01:00:28.018
But I mean to to help people like her is just amazing to me, and that's what I love about what we're doing, you know, here is because somebody needs to help Lisa and even if we're helping just with a little level like this, it's like somebody needs to bolster, somebody needs to tell her that you're doing the right thing.

01:00:28.018 --> 01:00:33.391
We see you buy the shirt you know like yeah, we absolutely see you.

01:00:33.512 --> 01:00:34.554
You're out there Like.

01:00:34.554 --> 01:00:41.485
You have tremendous amount of resilience and integrity and bravery.

01:00:41.485 --> 01:00:54.934
I watch you every day dealing with things that you should never have to deal with, and this is another reason we've said from the start it's like that's why you have to get, and that's why I applaud Lisa even more, because you're helping.

01:00:54.934 --> 01:01:04.215
The way that Cliff and I hope to to some extent too is like get these kids out of those years where they're dealing with these things, because, guess what?

01:01:04.215 --> 01:01:10.516
They grow up to be fucking amazing because they've dealt with this stuff, like the horrible stuff.

01:01:10.516 --> 01:01:26.141
I don't wish on you for one second that you've dealt with, but there's no doubt on my mind it's made you brave, it's made you compassionate, it's made you compassionate, it's made you care about other people, and that's why please help get more and more kids out of there, because those will also change the world too.

01:01:26.141 --> 01:01:28.726
This is our lame hypothesis.

01:01:28.766 --> 01:01:29.150
Absolutely.

01:01:30.414 --> 01:01:32.019
I think it's Well absolutely.

01:01:33.231 --> 01:01:34.597
We need representation.

01:01:34.597 --> 01:01:40.202
We need to see other foster youth doing these things and getting in these spaces and getting into politics.

01:01:40.202 --> 01:01:43.655
We need to see that and that's how we're going to bring about change.

01:01:43.655 --> 01:01:47.242
It's a season.

01:01:47.242 --> 01:01:54.242
We all have some really, really tough seasons and for some of us, more of our seasons are tough than for others.

01:01:55.592 --> 01:01:58.358
But once you get through it, there's going to be a better season.

01:01:59.141 --> 01:02:01.498
Yeah, we need more kind-hearted badasses.

01:02:01.498 --> 01:02:07.036
We need more people making it to success with huge hearts so they can change the things they're passionate about.

01:02:07.036 --> 01:02:12.898
Because, let's face it, if you're on the street corner you can't do much good, but absolutely in the boardroom you can.

01:02:12.898 --> 01:02:22.277
We got to be pulling people up, and the crazy part is I work with a lot of business owners, and the ones with the best tools are the ones that have overcome something in their youth.

01:02:22.277 --> 01:02:38.362
These are the best business owners because they've already got their butt kicked at something and so, in comparison, even if it's a bad business thing that you're dealing with, it's nothing compared to that horrible thing you dealt with in your youth that you've overcome.

01:02:38.362 --> 01:02:39.849
But I want to give you a chance to tell us what you're up to.

01:02:39.849 --> 01:02:44.362
Is there anything you hope to talk about that we don't want to miss on the podcast here.

01:02:45.030 --> 01:02:45.552
I don't have any.

01:02:45.552 --> 01:02:52.512
Yes, you can follow me at MissLisaPizza on all my platforms Any of the other ones.

01:02:52.512 --> 01:02:55.880
There's like 100 fake accounts of me, which is really awkward to find out.

01:02:56.909 --> 01:02:57.652
Yeah, I don't like that.

01:02:57.791 --> 01:03:03.106
I get so many messages flattering at all I it's not.

01:03:03.106 --> 01:03:05.014
It makes me feel bad because I get the.

01:03:05.014 --> 01:03:10.896
I get a lot of these messages where people, um, you know they're like, I've been talking to you for like three years.

01:03:10.916 --> 01:03:16.157
I'm like I don't know you haven't why did you try to sell me a gold mine I used?

01:03:16.177 --> 01:03:24.317
to respond, but now there's just so many and I feel bad and like I feel guilty, like I'm not doing anything wrong, but I still feel guilty about it.

01:03:25.079 --> 01:03:25.338
Sure.

01:03:25.480 --> 01:03:32.822
And I just I can't reply to all of those but, I don't have anything specifically coming up.

01:03:33.222 --> 01:03:35.277
Um, you can go check out my Dr Phil episode.

01:03:35.277 --> 01:03:39.514
I was extremely nervous, so before you watch it, just don't don't.

01:03:39.514 --> 01:03:41.721
Don't come to my social media and be mean to me.

01:03:41.721 --> 01:03:42.121
Come on.

01:03:42.121 --> 01:03:42.791
That's the whole point.

01:03:42.791 --> 01:03:44.516
You guys have to be nice if you watch it.

01:03:44.516 --> 01:03:49.610
Yeah, I have a lot of podcasts coming up.

01:03:49.610 --> 01:03:52.536
Actually, I have like two or three more coming up.

01:03:53.858 --> 01:03:58.128
I've kind of taken a step back from social media so I haven't posted as much.

01:03:58.128 --> 01:03:59.891
I'm trying to get back at it.

01:03:59.891 --> 01:04:01.797
But you know, like I said, we all have seasons.

01:04:01.797 --> 01:04:04.431
It's okay to take a little bit of a rest break.

01:04:04.431 --> 01:04:16.083
So while I'm breaking from, you know, posting on TikTok and you know my Instagram, I've been doing a lot more podcasts, have a lot more outreach mentoring.

01:04:16.083 --> 01:04:17.467
I mentor foster youth.

01:04:17.467 --> 01:04:35.322
So if you're a foster youth right now a teen, a young teen, or you're aging out or you just aged out feel free to reach out to me and I will provide you with resources and whatever city you're in, whatever state you're in, I can help you get those resources and track down people who are going to tell you yes.

01:04:36.371 --> 01:04:37.436
She does do this too.

01:04:37.436 --> 01:04:38.755
I've watched it firsthand.

01:04:38.755 --> 01:04:40.916
I've watched in the comments about her doing this.

01:04:40.916 --> 01:04:41.920
She absolutely does it.

01:04:42.230 --> 01:04:44.539
So yeah, if you need some help, contact Lisa.

01:04:44.539 --> 01:04:46.175
I really will.

01:04:46.175 --> 01:04:50.460
For our part, we'll continue to like, sing your praises, do anything we can.

01:04:50.460 --> 01:04:52.137
We're huge fans, you know.

01:04:52.137 --> 01:04:59.481
And then also, I'd like to make some connections to like-minded people, because I think that's one thing we're not doing enough in the world of too.

01:04:59.481 --> 01:05:01.295
It's like we need to band together more.

01:05:01.295 --> 01:05:03.338
You know, like we need people.

01:05:03.338 --> 01:05:05.817
There's enough evil banding together.

01:05:05.817 --> 01:05:08.954
Let's say, good needs to band together more often too.

01:05:09.836 --> 01:05:10.297
That's true.

01:05:10.297 --> 01:05:10.998
I like that.

01:05:12.603 --> 01:05:21.903
Yeah, Band with intention, integrity, and thank you for everything that you brought to the table.

01:05:21.903 --> 01:05:32.396
You know I love your energy, love your smile, love what you stand for and all of you, as I got passionate from time to time.

01:05:32.396 --> 01:05:32.777
I love you all too.

01:05:32.777 --> 01:05:38.737
Anyone who's looking for a hand up, there's people out there who are going to support you.

01:05:38.737 --> 01:05:44.277
Uh, you just have to know who to ask, and Lisa is one of those people.

01:05:44.277 --> 01:05:44.972
So.

01:05:44.972 --> 01:05:45.634
So thank you.

01:05:46.496 --> 01:05:49.436
Yeah, absolutely, and at least any final words for our guests.

01:05:49.858 --> 01:05:55.451
Yeah, thank you so much for coming Like seriously I I I've been a big fan for a couple of years, you know.

01:05:55.451 --> 01:05:57.056
Thank you always for answering my questions.

01:05:57.056 --> 01:05:58.601
I've learned so much from you.

01:05:58.601 --> 01:06:05.414
It is something the more I progress in life and the more I work in business and hopefully gain more and more research.

01:06:05.414 --> 01:06:11.199
It's something I aim to change and I can see using your help to do it and Cliff's as well.

01:06:11.199 --> 01:06:19.481
It's something I get sick to my stomach thinking this could even happen, and you have my word that I will do something in this lifetime more to impact it.

01:06:19.481 --> 01:06:26.876
So thanks again and thank you everybody for tuning in to Bully this Once again, Episode 11.

01:06:26.876 --> 01:06:28.916
We'll be back with Episode 12.

01:06:28.916 --> 01:06:29.920
Thanks again.

01:06:29.920 --> 01:06:31.065
Thank you everyone.